you might be a redneck.......

i've come to realize that weddings are a free for all...you never know what to expect and at times will never be able to prepare for what may happen.

example 1: the wedding ceremony has begun. turn around to send the first bridesmaid down the aisle.
problem: bridal party is M.I.A.
location: the bar taking shots
solution: yank shot out of hand and loudly reprimand
result: drunk bridesmaid falls down stairs on @$$ while walking down the aisle

example 2: you know you are in for it when the first guest to walk through the door is a man wearing holy jeans, a nasty flannel shirt, has a ratty mangled ponytail and when asked what he would like to drink asks for a "natty light."

example 3: wedding guests ask for to-go boxes to go through the buffet line.

example 4: there is something horribly wrong when people over the age of 50 begin grinding on each other on the dance floor and try to dance dirty....the fact that all rhythm is obsolete is the least of anyone's concern at this point. please. if you are old, no one wants to see you trying to act like a horny 17 year old in front of the poor flower girl. not to mention, most would appreciate to not have their already digested wedding cake resurface.


enough said.