running on e

it has taken me quite some time to muster up the energy to write again....or actually, if i'm telling the truth, anything for that matter. i have never had any desire to do drugs, but if i had to imagine what you would feel like afterwards, i'm pretty sure it is how i feel right now.

for the past month or so, "i don't care," is the phrase that seems to roll right off my tongue. i seriously feel like a deadbeat! the only time i think my brain actually functions somewhat is when i am at work answering 10101759827598 phone calls and emails ranging from questions consisting of "what is the best make-up to cover my tattoos?" "what type of birds are those flying over the bay?" to "what is the exact cost of 21 lilac table cloths that are going to cover a 66" table, 210 chair ties, and 210 chair covers? is there a way to keep all that but make it fit within my budget?" Don't worry....those questions don't even scratch the surface. I'm like that dazed and confused image of someone with a blank stare on their face as the world continues to fly by.

i think jared has just given up on asking me questions, because he already knows what my response will be....for example:
Jared - don't you think it's time to do laundry and the dishes?"
Me - i don't care
Jared - would you like to drive by and see the townhouse before we move in?
Me - i don't care
Jared - do you think you can unpack a few boxes since you're off today....that way we don't have boxes everywhere? Me - i don't care

you would think this extreme apathetic attitude wouldn't carry over into other areas, such as baby related issues. sad to say, but it has! people ask me questions like, so "what are you planning to do for the nursery," and "where would you like to have your baby shower," and it's the same response! I seriously don't know what my problem is! i think i have just had so much going on over the past 4 months that my brain and body have hit severe over-load.

no worries though, there are a few things that i have a very strong opinion about. i am at the point where i can not take sleeping in a queen size bed anymore! i have never been a claustrophobic person until recently. Last night, was the perfect example. Every night this week, i have been falling asleep on the couch very comfortably at 9:00 PM and at about 10:00 PM, jared and I usually make our way to bed and in a few minutes i am out like a light....that is until i wake up to Lulu (who mind you is not really a dog but a miniature person) is sleeping sprawled out on my pillow, jared on my right who has all the covers and snoring as if no one in the world can hear him, my body pillow on my left which i need to move to the right because my sciatic nerve is shooting down my back side but can't because THERE IS NO ROOM! so in a state of emergency, i did what i do best - hit jared until he stopped snoring and moved over...while still sound asleep. My next move, I bought a california king size mattress. 12 layers of Heaven and heaven it will be when i can get a good nights rest and not have to touch anyone!

maybe my energy and motivation will find it's way back home...where it belongs after a little r&r. jared and i finally find out what we are having may 22nd, so maybe that is what i need to start moving forward. less than 3 weeks!! I will post the infamous "baby bump" picture soon, but you all have to understand that i have to be in the right frame of mind to do that....right now not only is my brain mush, but i feel like an over sized blob!

soon, i promise.....